My Ambition

Somewhere in a parallel universe, I'm sure that I'm fantastic at a great deal many things. I have the raw talent to which only needs a little coaching for me to excel at anything I desire. I've had many desires over my life, and regardless of which one I were to choose, I'm sure that my name would be noteworthy. You would be reading my name in the supermarket tabloids or see some story about me on Foxnews.

My first ambition came at the tender age of 7. That was when I first was introduced to the adventurous world of archeology. The thought of digging up a mummy in Egypt or a dinosaur in the Bad Lands was exhilarating. If I had pursued that course, I would be as well known as Zahi Hawass (Za-he Ha-wass), lead Egyptologist and Secretary General of the Egyptian Council of Antiquities. If I had chosen that path.....

My next ambition came along around the same time. I was introduced to music. I've always loved to sing, and have probably been singing since I was in the womb. Not only did I learn how to sing, I learned how to read music at the same time I learned to read words. I sang competitively in many choirs in my school-aged years, and won high honors. I even had someone once publicly tell me that my voice could sing down the angels. While in college, I auditioned to the highest choir in the music program, and wowed the professors when I told them I had never had one voice lesson. If I had pursued that course, I would have signed with a well known recording label, either as a solo artist or with my best friend from college, with a Dixie Chick meets Gospel kind of sound. If I had chosen that path.......

Or, I could have doubled that talent and ambition with my love of the stage. I had great ambitions to be living in New York, working on some major Broadway production with the likes of Kristin Chenoweth and Carole Shelley. If all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players....then I would be a noteworthy player. If I had chosen that path...

At one point I wanted a life in medicine. The TV show "ER" had hit popularity, and I saw myself as a top doctor in the Emergency field. The life seemed glamorous, and the science was fascinating. If I had chosen that path....

And children! I have always been drawn to children, and had a knack for instantly building a connection with any small child I saw. I could engage in pint-sized conversations on a gamut of topics, from finger-painting to Barney. And I loved to teach, and the thought of being in the education field was enthralling. Elementary education was a field I pursued in college, albeit for one semester, and I loved every minute. If I had chosen that path....

So, what is my ambition? Which of these paths do I want to pursue? Any of them are attainable, even at this point in my life. And to an extent, I am doing some aspect of these ambitions in my daily life. But I think that God has a higher calling for me than any medical, historical, educational, or celebrity field could take me.

The other night, Shammah was talking about.....something (for the life of me, I can't remember the exact topic -- but it had something to do with the kids in the village). He mentioned John and Charles Wesley, two brothers who wrote beautiful hymns for God. What struck me wasn't about these two men, but about their mother, Susanna. God had to do a great work in her so that she could raise two incredible sons who would forever shape Christianity.

My ambition is to be a "Susanna Wesley". I want to be the kind of mother so that my children can be great. I want nothing more in this life than to raise young men and a young woman for God, so that they can be used by Him and see their ambitions and dreams come to fruition. There's no outward glory, no outward reward for me. Even after our family started, I never really "saw" my children. I worked for the business, making sure that the kids' basic needs were met. But I woke up one day this summer and realized that I didn't know my children. I didn't see who they were, didn't see their strengths, only criticized their short comings. I didn't see them as future brothers & sisters in Christ, who will some day walk this Journey with me. I saw interruptions, and arguments, unclean rooms and dirty snotty noses. I saw all the negative, and nothing of the future and the positive, the "what it could be." My ambition is to correct that, to change my ways. I thank God that I haven't missed it completely, that I have time to play catch-up with them. My ambition is to see their ambitions grow, not mine.